Opinions Wanted

We don't have access to "television" and so I don't watch a lot of TV. However, I do go to the gym regularly and I will plug in to the television shows there occasionally. I saw this commercial the other day and about fell off the elliptical. I will post my opinion later...but first I wanted to know what your thoughts were...

I am pregnant...I clean...therefore I am nesting

You know I have ALWAYS had issues with the word nesting. During my first pregnancy, I worked at Head Start with a bunch of older, and more experienced, woman. Every time I would clean they would look at me like I was just the cutest little thing that ever happened, click their hen-like tongues (and I say that with complete love), and declare me a nesting mother. It drove me nuts! I am a person and I do tend to clean even when I am not pregnant. And then to pronounce a name upon something that is perfectly natural, like preparing for the birth of a child....like it needs a name. It's called PREPARATION! Like when you get ready to go on a trip. Or when you get ready for a birthday party. How come these don't have specific and pronounced names?

Okay, if I go all crazy and takes the knobs off all my doors so I can disinfect the screws...I will concede this to be nesting. However, I have never done this. So in the meantime, if I just happen to clean my house or pack a hospital bag (which I have not done yet), let's just call it preparation or good old fashioned cleaning. BUT, whatever you do...do not come over to my house and look at me like I'm all cute and doing this cleaning thing that I have never ever done before and it is only occurring because I am pregnant! It will tick me off. And if you are the one to do the ticking and since you are in my house doing the ticking...I cannot be held responsible for the results. You have been fairly warned.

SNOW DAY!

Jason played out in the snow for hours with the girls this weekend. He even went out twice in one day! Talk about a good Daddy!

Menu Plan Monday

Monday: Rice Pudding

Jason tried a new recipe that used cooked rice and eggs and a lot less sugar! Yum!

Tuesday: Spaghetti with garlic bread!

Wednesday: Chicken Noodle Soup

I buy a rotissouri chicken from the store and use the meat for the soup and the "carcass" to boil and make my base. I then make my own noodles with flour and eggs and a bit of salt. The kids all love it!

Thursday: Left-overs

Friday: Hamburgers and Hot Dogs

Saturday: Cafe Rio Sweet Pork Burritos

I have been craving this one for a bit...but it's a lot of work and it makes a lot. Saturday is a good day to do it with Jason home to help! Now if I can just get the sauce recipe that Charene uses!

Sunday: Left-overs

And for next week, here is a preview recipe. I am posting it now because I didn't want to lose the link! Stir-Fried Pasta!

On Motherhood

I think I have discussed motherhood with you before. Do you recall? You have a blank look on your face...and that is permission for me to proceed. Ha ha. Luckily for you, you are not actually sitting in front of me, face to face. You can walk away from this conversation that is LONG, however heartfelt. Go ahead, it won't bother me...I merely need the emotional outlet...

For me, motherhood was the culminating experience that would define an achievement of all of my goals and desires. And once I had reached this experience, I found myself lacking and floundering and wondering what I was going to find joy and achievement in for the next 20 years. My mother was a great example. She gave selflessly every day. She created and bolstered and gave confidence and love like the perfect mother would. So I figured it would come easy. I had all the right instincts. I had the desire. I had the faith. Didn't I?

Well, here I am. About to have my 5th child and I am STARTING to realize a few things. A long time ago I asked you about sleeping habits of children and hinted to you that I had a theory. I never did tell you that theory and that was partly because it had much more to do with life than with sleeping habits. And it is hard to form into words. But, roughly speaking, it is my theory that most of us live out of fear and circumstance. We create our lives by what we believe we can cope with and by what we believe we are given. We have an innate doubt about our true ability to change and to control. And we are lazy. And so we do the bare minimum. We put out kids to bed when it becomes absolutely necessary. Not with purpose. We take away the binkies only when social circumstances outweigh our fear of a screaming child, or when it becomes more inconvenient for us as parents to have the binky than to not. My theory is that we live out of convenience and laziness and fear...a lot of the time.

Through an article in this month's Ensign, I am beginning to more fully grasp that I was not prepared to be a mother. I was prepared to be a good person. I was prepared to choose right over wrong. I was prepared to follow the commandments. I was prepared to have faith. And even though all of these things are stepping stones to achieving "motherhood" they lack the most important thing of all...PURPOSE.

A few months ago I found myself drowning in this life of motherhood. I had lost sight of what I was supposed to be doing. The motions were automatic and I began to wonder if I really even knew what I wanted out of my life. So I went all drastic and dropped EVERYTHING. I stayed home as much as possible and began to focus on what I thought I wanted and needed to make my family successful. I started to make goals that weren't based out of fear; or out of mundane everyday necessities like laundry and schoolwork; or out of given circumstances. It's amazing to me how often I do the least of what needs to be done. Forget scripture study, there is homework to be done. Forget family home evening, the house needs to be cleaned and nobody has done their reading yet. Forget prayer, if the kids aren't in bed in the next five minutes I am going to kill them all.

This article in the Ensign has put into words for me the things that I have been trying to grasp for a while now. "Without family, there is no plan; there is no reason for mortal life." "When we speak of qualifying for the blessings of eternal life, we mean qualifying for the blessings of eternal families." "To be sealed for eternity, to have posterity...is the only means by which we can one day see the face of God and live." It seems that I grew up focusing on "me" and "me" achieving eternal life...and now I have been trying to encircle my family within those achievements by using the same "me" tactics. If we choose right over wrong it will be good enough. If we are nice, it will be good enough. But I don't think it is. I think we need....PURPOSE. We need to "live and teach with so much clarity that what you teach will cut through the noise youth are hearing and so it will peirce their hearts and touch them." We need to be "brilliant in the basics so that" we are "intentional about our roles." We need to "think in terms of precision not perfection. If you have your goals and you are precise in how you go about them in your homes, youth will learn from you. They will learn that you pray, study the scriptures together, have family home evening, make a priority of mealtimes, and speak respectfully to your marriage partner."

And there it is. The recipe for success. It is my newest desire to have purpose in my life. I will not be a mother who functions day to day according to what "needs" to be done. I will be a mother with purpose. A mother who is striving for eternal life in families. I will be a mother who will teach my girls how to be mothers with purpose and clarity. I will help them understand that we have the choice to change our lives and to influence our outcomes and thus ultimately be together forever.

And even as I type this...I cry tears of fear that I will not ever be good enough. And so know, that even though it sounds lofty...it is not. It is merely a baby step of faith in what I hope to be the right direction of this life of motherhood. A tentative foot forward that God will take my hand and guide me through this life and into the next...with my family.

The other day, Nikell and I were having a conversation, which is not unusual. It's pretty much me and Nikell and Aiddie all day long...Anway, she said, "Yeah, because my Daddy thinks I am cute. And I am!"

It was one of those moments. You know? A profound one where a million things hit you at once? I can't explain the gratitude I felt, at that moment, for my husband. Really, I don't mind having ALL girls...in fact I love it. EXCEPT when I think about my 3 big brothers and then my heart aches for my girls who will never know the experience of having a big brother. And I have three amazing and all totally different brothers whom I love and cherish. They are my protectors. They come running if I ever need help. They played with me, blew up my stuff, tortured my babies, left money for me to find, fixed all my problems, found fun ways for me to be their slave, wrestled with me, watched out for me... So it makes me sad that my girls won't have these things. I worry that the whole dating thing will be a little weird for them because they don't have any brothers and thus may think that boys are from a foreign planet...you know? Anyway, at this one moment my heart filled with gratitude for a husband who treats my girls in a way that they believe they are beautiful. That one little thing is HUGE! And I realized just how lucky my girls are to have a Daddy that loves them and cherishes them and tells them these things. He's the only boy we've got and if that's how it's going to be, then I'm glad we got the best on there is.

Menu Plan Monday

We have got kind of a crazy week goin' on! So here is my menu, simple and sweet. If anyone wants recipes let me know and I'll be happy to oblige.

Monday: Belgian Waffles, made by the love of my life!

Tuesday: Tacos

Wednesday: Tator Tot Casserole

Thursday: Leftovers

Friday: Homemade Chicken Noodles Soup

Saturday: Leftovers

Sunday: Turkey Steaks, Mashed Taters, and Beans!

Birthdays...

It seems like I have good years and bad years and I realize that it has a lot to do with my attitude. So I try to have a good attitude. I really do. But it's just that I really think that birthdays tend to be more on the sucky side once you grow out of childhood. Or maybe it's that I really can't deal with having something that is supposed to be special left up to the thoughtfulness, or lack thereof, of other people. Because really, I'm not a big truster of people. They come...they go. Some years they make an extra special effort and others they do absolutely nothing. So why get your hopes up? Anyway...just a little background on how I feel about birthdays.

That being said...drumroll please...this birthday was probably one of my most favorite ever! And it was all thanks to my dear husband. He was so extra thoughtful this year. He arranged a lunch date for me yesterday and then came home from work to babysit while I was gone. Then today he came home early with all sorts of surprises. He knows I love chocolate covered cinnamon bears and so he bought the makin's and had all the kids make me my very own birthday bears! Fabulous. Plus, we had talked about birthday cakes and how I really didn't want a cake, but when you have 4 kids who get all excited about birthdays you have to have some kind of cake. So, he helped the kids make a cake and then brought home stuff for me to have my very own strawberry shortcake. Mmmmm. It was so wonderful. Plus he made dinner--a two hour ordeal--sticky chicken! Okay, I'm spoiled. And it's not even over.

He has arranged a 90 minute massage on valentines and plans to take the kids shopping and make me Belgian waffles with strawberries and ice cream! Can you say heaven?

So, in the end, even though I tend to be a bit on the negative side when it comes to my special day, it was more than I hoped for.

Thanks for all your well-wishes. And here's hoping that your special days end up being as good as mine!

Menu Plan Monday...again

This morning, while I was relaxing my achin' muscles in the tub, I was pondering on a conversation I had with a couple of friends. In this conversation I was surprised and a little amused to hear that they both were afraid of falling asleep in the bathtub. I suppose they feared drowning once they fell asleep. Well, people, I am hear to testify that falling asleep in the bathtub is a wonderful thing :). Ha ha. So, are you afraid too?

Anyway...here is the menu for the week

Monday: Hawaiin Haystack (we never made it around to this last week)

Tuesday: Roast Beef Sandwiches. Easy peasy. Stick a roast in the crock pot. Pour over the top an envelope of Au Jus and a cup or so of water. Cook it for a long time. Shred the meat and viola, sandwiches. Oh, and if you're feeling fancy add some swiss cheese and sauteed mushrooms. Mmmmm.

Wednesday: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! Aren't birthday's lame-o? Maybe I should have a sleepover with all my good buddies...or something. Ha ha. I am thinking of some Chinese Chicken for this day...one of my favorites. BUT, I'm not sure I'm up to the HOURS it takes to make it (cutting the chicken, rolling the chicken, frying the chicken, and then you still have to bake it!). We'll see.

Thursday: Sandwiches (It's work night and I have a bunch of leftover buns from Sunday)

Friday: Pizza

Saturday: Lasagna with Sweet Potato and Cauliflower

This is my favorite lasagna recipe, taken from Deceptively Delicious (introduced to me by Meggin). It turns out awesome and not soggy or watery (ewe).

Preheat oven to 350. For the meat filling, cook 1 lb hamburger sprinkled with salt and pepper. When no longer pink, sprinkle 1 TBSP flour and 1 1 /2 cloves chopped garlic. Cooke for a minute or two longer. Off the heat, stir in 2 TBSP sour cream, 1/2 cup mashed sweet potato (steam it in the microwave), and 1/4 cup Parmesan cheese.

For the sauce...I use jarred sauce and add some more parmesan.

For the white cheesy goodness...blend in a blender or food processor 1 cup cottage cheese, 1 large egg white, and 1/2 cup steamed cauliflower.

Now assemble! Spread some sauce on the bottom of a 9X13 pan. Add some noodles (I use oven-ready) and then layer some meat and cheesy goodness and sauce and mozzarella cheese. Repeat (or use your own layering strategy). Bake with aluminum foil about 40 minutes and then uncovered for another 10.

Sunday: I am thinking...leftovers or some Rice Pudding. We'll see how it goes.

There ya go! And can I just say that I had to take a short break to run Sierra up to her friends and sometimes my children shock me. I told her to go ask "the mom" what time I should pick her up. So, there she goes up the steps...and walks right in the front door without even knocking! When she came back to the car I asked her if she really did walk in their house. She smiled at me and nodded her head yes. Seriously! Here's hoping that my children are not the ones that eat at your every nerve when they are playing at your house. And if they're manners are no better than those of a barn animal, please help me out and feel free to kindly correct them cuz' obviously I am missing a few things!