I've been in a bit of a rut lately and I really couldn't figure out why...until I watched this video...and I realized that I have been ... losing hope.
Here's the thing: I am perfectly aware of the fact that motherhood is God's work and the it is an eternal partnership with God. I am aware that the very fact that I've been given this responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust God has in me. And sometimes it just kills me because I fall so short. I know I can be better and I know I should be better and I can almost step outside of my body and see myself being a HORRIBLE person and a HORRIBLE mother and a HORRIBLE housekeeper and a HORRIBLE wife. It's like taking that test in college that you got a B on, when you know that you could have gotten an A with just a little more effort. And the kicker of it all is that I seriously thought I would be an awesome Mom! Ha ha.
So anyway, for the most part, I do alright just plugging along and taking note of my downfalls, praying for more help, and starting over every day. But sometimes .... sometimes ... it all just hits me at once. Sometimes I hate going to bed at night because the seriousness of the situation hits me and it hits me hard and the sobs that wrack my body are long and hard too. And I start to give up. I give up on following the babies around and picking up my house so it at least looks like I've made an effort to clean. I give up on appearing productive. I give up on doing two things at once and simply sit down and let the world go by. And when this happens ... I, for the life of me, can't figure out what my problem is.
It is then that I thank the Lord for prophets who pray for us. For videos on LDS.org that speak to my soul and whisper to my heart that all I need is a little hope. I love the promise Elder Holland gives that I will be magnified, compensated, made more than I am, better than I am, better than I've ever been... And when my days and nights are most challenging, when I have given up and lost all hope of ever being good enough, when my soul is beaten down, and my heart has no more to give then I can...
Rely on Him.
Rely on Him heavily.
Rely on Him forever.
And press forward with a steadfastness in Christ having a perfect brightness ... of hope.
8 comments:
You are an awesome mom and a great example to me :) Thanks for sharing this video. It was truly inspired.
Try not to put so much pressure on yourself. No mother is perfect, and God does not expect perfection. Sounds like you are doing what we all should be doing. You do your best every day, and strive to do better the next.
And - when are you coming down to Salt Lake? We need to hang out. Come to my house and you will feel so much better about your house cleaning skills, I assure you!
I love the message from Elder Holland. Wish that it could be imprinted on every mother's heart....NEVER to be forgotten.
Remember...God will make each of us better than we could EVER be by ourselves. One step in front of the other, day by day...Always being the best you can at that moment!...but never a perfect mom...they just don't exist:)
That is an incredible message, (I say as I'm sitting here crying).
I understand your feelings so much! But you're right... we do everything we can and be the best we can and then we rely on Him to help us with the rest. "You are magnificent!" Remember that, Jeri Dawn.
Ok Jeridawn. I found that video yesterday and cried my eyes out while I watched it because I had exactly that same break down. Are we friends or what? How crazy is that? I've watched it over and over and I can't believe how much it helps. I loved that post. Can I tell you how awesome you are?:)
Wow! Thank you so much! Thank you for being so honest. Although I don't feel that way about you at all, sometimes I wonder if it is me you are looking at because I feel the exact same way! I wish I could express in one little comment box how AMAZING you are! You are my hero. I look up to you and pray one day I will be a quarter of a person, mom, wife and friend you are.
Wow! Your post was EXACTLY what I needed today... who knew being a mom was so hard?!! I just keep thinking..."I thought this would be SO easy, I taught Kindergarten- I'm supposed to be good at this! Why am I going crazy already and I only have 1 baby?" and so as I sat here thinking: I'm not doing the dishes, or the laundry, or vacuuming the house today, I just give up- I thought- Maybe I'll go look at Jeri Dawn's blog... I haven't looked at it forever and have been thinking about Mialee all summer. Then I read your post and thought, "geez, if you don't realize what an INCREDIBLE mom you are, then maybe I'm not the most horrible mom in the world either. Your girls are so darling, and smart, and polite- and from my point of view there isn't anything you could even do to be a better mom. Thank you for being such a great example to me of what a great mom is... and thanks for making my day better! I hope you guys are having a great summer :)
Oh this was such a beautiful post. I loved that video too-- I've been thinking about it alot. I echo what everyone else said your comments. You really are quite an amazing woman and maybe you don't realize what an example you are too those around you. Thank you for sharing your heart... it is beautiful.
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