What do you really do when you are really angry? Do you get angry? Do you get that, "I'm so mad I'm going to kill the next person who looks at me!" angry? That, "I don't even know why I am mad!" angry? That, "I can't make it stop." angry. What do you do? You who have husbands that can't figure out why you are tearing their eyes out. You who have kids that wonder if their mother has gone off the deep end. You, who I know would maybe just like to run away for a while and try and get control of that monster that is fighting to get out, but can't leave your house full of kids to burn up in a fire that would surely ignite as soon as you stepped foot out of the house. What do you do?
So, here's the thing. Sometimes I get this feeling inside of me. It starts out as being annoyed and then it grows and grows and grows. And I try and fight it. I really do. But the more I fight it, the worse it gets. And then I get mad. And then things bother me. Really, this week, my kids have been sick and I am getting less done than usual and you pair that with no sleep and sick kids who cry all day and that angry monster of a feeling and you have a no-fun momma. And then I get mad because nobody cares enough to actually help me. I think they should say, "Hey Mom, or Hey Honey, are you okay? Do you need something? Do you need to take a break?" But they all just tip-toe around me, like I probably would around them. Then I vascilate between extreme anger and extreme hurt until I just have to emotionally check out and pray that it will get better soon. Blah. Sometimes I hate the emotional complexities of being a Mom.
8 comments:
When I am pretty angry, I yell. I have been known to slam doors and throw things, too. That would be level 9 anger. I try not to let myself get there as I prefer levels 7 and 8 which are full of sarcasm and childishness. Level 10 anger is very rarely achieved but on those rare occasions, it involves speechlessness. I can't even formulate full sentences and I usually have to go outside. Before kids, I would go on a walk. Since kids, I just have to sit on the porch and breathe for a while.
I've never believed in "not going to bed angry." I'm sure there are many people that that works for, but I ain't one of 'em! Anger completely clouds my rational thinking and a resolution rarely is found until I let it go. Make me tired on top of that and nothing good comes from it. When I am angry with my kids, it is just best to send them to their rooms (or me to mine) until we all calm down ... same goes in my marriage.
I heard once that anger is just losing control of your emotions. Once you achieve self-mastery, anger cannot exist. Such a shame that I've got so far to go before I get there!
I noticed that you did not answer that question yourself, Jeri Dawn. What gives?
I, too, am a yeller. This is something that I hate about myself and swore I'd never do. So much for that.
I also rant and rave to myself, usually about how stupid someone is. Or how stupid a situation is.
The last thing I'll admit to is having sayings that everyone recognizes as "Oh great, she's mad." They include, but are not limited to: You are driving me crazy! or Holy freaking heck!
I'm done telling on myself now.
Love how even in anger, you think of the children...just knowing that they will.....I do the same things...see into the future:)
I cry, scream, and sing. I hate being angry, and yes, sometimes I just can't figure out WHY I am angry!
I have a horrible temper and a very short fuse. It is something I'm always trying to keep in check. I yell, and throw things! My poor husband is absolutely the opposite and never gets angry, which makes me even angrier!!
I count to 10 - but that isn't usually long enough, so sometimes I recite the alphabet backwards in my head. Lame!
Was this meant for me?? :) I guess it depends on where the anger starts from but Let's see I cry, I scream. I pray that the person I look up to most is walking down the street to take at least on of my kids :). You truly were an answer to my prayers and if I wasn't so proud I would have let you take them all. All I can say is thank you thank you thank you :)
Here is probably the darkest secret I've ever revealed in the blogging world. Hopefully, when my wife reads this, she will still love me.
I'm not sure I get angry on the level you're talking about. I get mad at my kids when they repeatedly do whatever irritating thing they're doing (mostly not making sense - I know, they're kids...) I get frustrated when I can't read my wife's mind and she is angry. Sometimes, I even get irritated that I'm supposed to read her mind and then mad that I feel like she expects me to fix something that is making her angry and sometimes I even think I know what she wants me to do, but am too mad that I'm expected to alleviate her anger, when it's her emotions that are the problem more than whatever she thinks is making her angry. And then, I get annoyed when it all comes back to a lack of sleep and I'm laying in bed while she is doing something apparently more important than sleep.
I guess that when I get really angry, I do nothing.
In a nutshell, yes. I do. It's what I'm trying to improve in my character; but it's slow going.
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