When I was in college I encountered a woman, the Bishop's wife. She was busy, by any standards, but always made time to talk to the students in our ward. One day I heard her ask a girl how she was doing. The girl gave a somewhat blurry answer, mentioning a sore shoulder, but claiming to be in good spirits. It was a pretty standard conversation and one a didn't think much of until later when I found out that the Bishop's wife had gone home and made a heating pad out of rice for this girl to put on her shoulder. Such a simple act, but one that required time and energy and most of all action. It was the day I vowed to one day become like that women. I want to be able to look into people's eyes and understand their heart and soul. I want to know what they need and be able to help in some way. I want to be like Christ. Truly. But it is a lofty goal and though I pray nightly to achieve it, every day I fall short. And my biggest obstacle is fear. I fear that I will offend someone if I walk in their house and do their laundry. Why? Because people have told me about being offended. I fear that my cooking will not suffice. I fear that maybe someone really doesn't want me to watch their kids. I offer and I am willing. But I really don't know how anyone is hurting and so I don't feel qualified to give an answer to their pain. But the desire is there...
So in my zealous quest for knowledge I would ask, "How has someone helped you?" What were the things that made a difference? Please tell me. I want to learn.
7 comments:
I'm more willing to accept help from someone who asks for help. I have a friend who asks for help, not usually for herself, but sometimes.
She'll call: "The Joneses are moving. Let's help clean their new place Wednesday night after the kids are in bed. We'll get Kelly and Suzanne and have a girls night." Or, "Emily needs someone to help with her triplets. Why don't we get our kids together to play, while one of us goes to snuggle some babies for bit?"
I come in for my share of help, too; but I don't feel like I'm a project.
Partly, I think, because she turns everything into a party. But partly because I'm not "in debt."
I think your bishop's wife had a skill. People knew she cared because she listened first, and so were more willing to accept help. Those are my theories, anyway.
Oh yeah, and when your VT asks what she can do, have something for her. When you go VT and ask what you can do and she says, "oh nothing..." have a suggestion: watch her kids so she can go to the temple, follow up on any personal goals so she has someone to be accountable to, or whatever. Then it isn't hollow words; it's real care and concern. She may turn you down for a few months; but she'll crack and open up the defenses.
I usually try to be the self sufficient one and like most people like to be the one giving service rather than the one receiving it.
I feel encouraged or blessed when someone has listened to what I have said during a conversation and then does something to help or enocourage me. Maybe it is them bringing me a bag of my favorite treat or picking something up at the store-but they listened to the whole conversation and not to the words, "no, I'm doing fine." (Because who really can ASK for help?) Love this post...it got me to think!
I have a dear friend who willingly brings my kindergartener home from school each day. My babies are napping at that time and our road too busy for him to walk alone. It has been a HUGE service to me all year! She also called me the week after my #4 was born to let me know she was heading to the grocery store and did I need anything. We were all out of bananas and she got me some. Such small things but they made a big difference to me.
People are always helping me without even knowing it. Just a friendly email asking me about life, or when someone asks how I am doing and I can tell that they are sincere and REALLY care about how I am doing. I would say you are someone that does a good job at helping people and making a difference in their lives. Just be you. It's working.
oh...i think we should make ice cream ANYTIME. Just let us know what to bring!
JD I think you are the most amazing person. This post shows how amazing you are. You are always worrying about somebody else, helping somebody else with out even knowing. I totally understand your feelings with offending people. My only thought while reading this was if you are truly trying to do something from the heart and they get offended Jesus will know your heart and be happy you tried. I think we are often too proud to ask for or accept help because we feel like it makes us less of a mom, wife, women, etc... If we could only remember the blessing we can all receive by asking for or accepting that help we would be willing to let anyone come and fold our laundry. Speaking of laundry I always have a little extra! I am totally kidding but I know you would be willing!! Thanks for being such a great example!!
I feel the same you do quite often. I learned a little bit about how to serve others more in our ward in MT.
I learned to bring two or three items to a pot luck when asked to bring one.
I learned to show up with my work clothes on so I won't be rejected when I know someone needs help in their yard or with moving.
I learned that it's more fun to serve with others that love to serve than to try to do it all on my own.
Thanks for posting this because I haven't been doing very well in this area and need to get back in the groove.
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