Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Sweet Mialee
Sweet Butterfly Mialee was doing so well for a while, and then Halloween hit. She has a new dialog that she goes through. At first it was something along the line of, "I did something and I didn't. And I want to tell you and I don't. And the things I say and the things I do. And is it okay? It's okay." Notice the self-reassuring. This is because I often turn the question back to her and ask her if it's okay. Lately she has shortened it to, "Mom, I do what I do and I say what I say." Don't we all.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
OH sweet Butterfly Mialee. My heart breaks for her constant worry. I wish there were something we could do to ease her mind. Bless you JD! I'm so glad you're her mother to teach her to think things through. She will be stronger because of you.
Jeri Dawn, if you will forgive me from being personal here....
Of course I don't know exactly the extent of what your sweet little girl is going through - but I think perhaps I can relate a little bit.
Ever since I can remember - going back to about age 3-4 - I've suffered from very severe anxiety problems myself. In grade school, after about the 4th grade, I learned to mask them a little bit so most people never even knew it. Many people just knew me as 'the quiet nerdy kid,' but what they didnt know was the constant turmoil that was going on underneath.
I remember just being a little guy crawled up in the corner at night worrying about things that I didnt even understand or have anything to do with. I remember lying awake at night physically ill because I was so anxious about everything - then running to the bathroom to throw up when it got too bad.
I remember crying in Kindergarten (you may remember that too) every day because I needed to be close to my mom so I could tell her what was bothering me...not that she could fix it but I knew she wanted to. When I was older - I could control it a little better but few days passed when I didn't go home and throw up after school because of my nerves...even in high school. The world always seemed to be falling apart around me and for some reason I thought I had to do something to fix it.
My mission helped me substantially - but even to this day things aren't quite 'normal'. I've tried medication and counseling (one doctor wanted me to be admitted for a little while but that didn't happen)- and that provided some crucial relief when things got really bad. But over time I am learning a little more each day about how to control that once uncontrollable emotion - and am learning to let things go that our out of my control.
I guess I'm spilling my beans here because i want to tell you that she is going to be ok. She probably has a pretty rough road ahead of her, but I see her support system (you - who I know a little bit) and I know she is in very good hands. She is in a family where there is an abundance of love and when all else seems to fail her, she will always know that she has that constant.
In some ways my disorder has been a huge blessing for me - it has compelled me to become very close to the Lord. Where some struggle with forming that divine relationship for whatever reason - it has always come a little easier for me. It has also made me a little more sensitive and compassionate to others' needs than I think I would be without it.
So long as you keep loving her and doing your best to comfort her - she will be just fine. You will find your gut will tell you the best way to do it too. Then, if she is as lucky as I was, she will marry someone who is perfect and will know how take away even more of that terrible worry/anxiety.
For a special little girl with a very important purpose - she sure is lucky to have you and your husband to prepare her for what she is to become.
Sorry for the long comment, but I felt like I should write it. You can keep it on here or delete it- whatever you think is best.
Thanks Spencer. Once again, your words are balm to my soul.
Post a Comment