Life is usually good...

Don't you think? It is and we are so blessed in so many ways. But today I am having a hard time keeping up with the 18 month old as she drags out and de-pairs every pair of socks in her basket and every sippy cup and lid in the drawer. I'm annoyed as she shuts the dishwasher for the 10th time making it so I have to dry the dishes before I put them away, which has to be done before I can tackle the breakfast dishes from this morning and the spill over of dinner dishes and dessert-making that went on last night while I was away at a Hypnobirthing class. I am having a hard time gathering the energy to find the money, which there is none and will most likely have to come from my private birthday stash, so that I can go to the store and buy diapers and still make it to Mialee's class on time for her Birthday poster explanation, which will make nap time late, and having to suck it up because it's my fault a blew the budget on birthday celebrations and clothes and food and whatever-the-heck else I bought. It's a good thing I still have one diaper left...cuz Aiddie just pooped. I am tired from the deadlines that have been swirling in my head all week...birthday's to make extra special, re-arranging work schedules so I can make it to classes on how to be a better parent and how to have a successful natural childbirth. I am worn down from keeping up on being a good mother; scripture study, piano lessons, homework, dishes, dishes, dishes, laundry, picking up toys and socks (I am really beginning to hate those socks) and clothes and books. I am tired of the self-control it takes to not push my especially clingy, not feeling well, children away from me as they climb on my ever growing belly. Elbows from the outside meeting elbows from the inside and the tears that result as I yelp in pain only to hurt the feelings of a child who was searching for a heart-felt-hug. I am tired of worrying about the blasted apartment that I am supposed to be painting and can't ever seem to find the time to do. I am tired of relying on and trying to find babysitters to help. I hate asking people for help. I hate it more than anything, except when you break down and actually ask them to help and they are inconvenienced by your call and their lives are too busy to help anyway. I love motherhood. I love my life. I love my kids. But today, just for a while, I want to be alone. I want to have all the money in the world. I want to feel not fat. I want to be able to put on a pair of pants and tie my shoes. And I don't want to take out all the garbages. And I don't want anyone to help me do it, I just want it to happen, as if by magic, without guilt. If only wishes were dreams and dreams came true and we could all have a day when we need one. I guess a rant on my blog and a good cry while I did it will have to do... Here's to anyone who's had a bad day. And here's to moving on with mine...