So many thoughts have encompassed my mind and life lately. I consider blogging about them, yet I can't seem to formalize them into words or sentences or paragraphs that make sense. They're just thoughts and random feelings. Tears for people lost. Anger over trivial things. Frustration at having to clean something, anything, again. You know the drill....

I think Aaron's funeral (my SIL Nicole's big brother) has affected us all. His viewing amazed me and I continue to think about it. It started at 5:00. We got there around 4:45 and within minutes there were over 200 people in line. By 5:30 the chapel was full, the line was out the door, and people were still streaming in. Wow. Really. It made me wonder...If I died, would people flock to my viewing? Who have I helped and loved and affected enough that they would mourn for me? Hmmm. I feel like I am falling short here. Really. And so I think and ponder and consider the changes that I can make...

Jason and I have also been talking about obituaries. What are the kinds of things that would be put in your obituary? What's special about you? Here is my problem...I am very un-unique. Hmmm. Once again, I am falling short. Really.

Don't get me wrong. I am not having a pity party. I don't need your words of encouragement...trite as that may sound. I am simply self-evaluating and feeling like I am coming us short of where I really want and need to be. I mean really, half of the time my big accomplishment for the day is taking a shower. And don't tell me how important being a mom is either. Because I know. But it's not like I am the only person on the earth struggling with keeping my house clean. I know some amazing people and sitting around my house thinking about doing laundry simply doesn't fit into the 'amazing' category.

So from the death of someone that seemed to be truly special...I will evaluate and re-evaluate and take from him the chance to be a better person...and maybe someday I will achieve 'amazing' or 'special' too!

In the mean time...here are the things that I think are amazing and special about my husband...

Jason is a most unique genius. I call him cocky, but mostly as a joke because really he is confident and secure in who he is. He never, ever, tries to make anyone feel inferior and he never flaunts his knowledge to strangers in hopes of making a quick impression. In fact, Jason would like nothing better than to save the world, one person at a time, with his knowledge and know-how. Jason can fix anything. He can build anything. He can do anything. And he is good at just about everything...And I am trying to think of something he is not good at just so there can be one thing...oh, yeah...sympathy. Ha ha. Jason is very goal oriented. Everyday, every minute involves a goal that he is evaluating and re-evaluating. He thinks non-stop. And from all that thinking...magic happens. Math formulas are created, marathons are run, houses are built, parties are planned. Jason is very logical. He thinks about any given situation and always, always, always, takes the most logical direction. He ignores the mundane or trivial things that others often let get in the way...like pain and emotions. He simply acts, evaluates, and continues to move forward. Jason is also all about fun. He is the party planner, the one who will drive all night to make a trip to Disneyland more pleasant for everyone, the one who finds a gourmet recipe to try, the one who has single-handedly inspired friends and family to run, run, run, the one who never misses playing a good basketball game, the one who will listen and contribute to an all-night chatting session, the one who will willingly sit through a chick-flick, the one I love.