All In a Hug

Yesterday when I walked into Sacrament Meeting I caught the eye of one of my dear friends, who had moved away and was back visiting.  We immediately embraced in a hug that brought an onslaught of emotions and we were both reduced to tears.  In that hug I literally felt an intense hunger for our spirits to connect again--to enjoy and take part of a deep connection that we, at times, enjoyed together.

The funny thing about our friendship is that is was one of convenience.  We had times when we saw each other nearly every day.  Times when our goals aligned and we attempted to achieve them together.  Times when we invited each other into our lives and shared and cried and laughed together. And then there were other times when we were on completely different paths and we only saw each other in passing at church on Sunday.  But we were always friends and we were both totally okay with our comings and goings.  And so when she moved I was deeply saddened, but life takes us all in different directions and her moving is what she needed.

And so when I saw her I was understandably excited and obviously ran to give her a hug, but I did not expect our souls to intertwine and feel a rush of recognition and a deep sense of pain at not having her available anymore.  But I did.  We both did.

And some how, in the miraculous ways God is able to work, I feel like I was given a strange little gift.  Perhaps a glimpse at what my reunion with my Savior could be like. And since that moment I feel like I have gained a little better understanding of my relationship with my Savior.

David B. Haight said,

In the hearts of all mankind, of whatever race or station in life, there are inexpressible longings for something they do not now possess. This longing is implanted in man by a loving Creator.

It is God’s design that this longing of the human heart should lead to the one who alone is able to satisfy it. That fulness is found only in Jesus the Christ, the Son of our Eternal Father in Heaven. 

Paul declared, “For it pleased the Father that in him should all fulness dwell.” (Col. 1:19.)

In our embrace there was an almost inexpressible longing for something that we could no longer have.  For something that, at times, I worked very hard to nourish and grow.  And yet, at other times, I let it dwindle or she did or we simply could not connect.  That hug produced a longing and need for something that I did not even know how bad I was missing.

And this all reminded me of my relationship with my Savior.  A relationship that sometimes is very close and intimate and other times is placed on the back burner because my path is going a different direction.  

And here is where it is harder to put into words what I felt and learned and am still learning.

In that embrace... in that one moment, I felt a glimpse of how much my spirit might just yearn to be near my Savior again; how much I just might rejoice in the recognition our intwined spirits could have when we do meet again; how much I might just realize I have been missing out on; how much we actually love each other and identify with each other.   How much we need each other. 

That complete understanding.  The complete "Oneness."  That fulfillment that only our Savior can fulfill.

I have heard said that we will be surprised when we meet our Savior at how well we know Him.  Now I get that a little bit.  For I have never questioned our relationship.  I have felt His peace.  I have felt His love.  I have felt His gentle arms encircle me in my darkest moments.  I knew I needed Him and am forever in His debt.  But I don't think I ever really considered that my need for His love and understanding and support could be a two way street.  I suppose I always looked at it like a Father/ Child relationship wherein His understanding would be so much more than mine and that my love would only amount to a small drop in the bucket compared to what He felt.  We would embrace and I would be overwhelmed at being in His presence (almost star-struck) and He would in turn pat me on the head and smile at my naivety.   

I never considered that when we embrace that maybe, just maybe, our longing and our love and our intense need would be mutual.  That when we embrace our souls would almost burst with the pain of being separated and then reunited again.  That we both would weep tears of joy and never...ever want to let go.

And so today, with this small understanding, I will re-commit to nourish this relationship.  I will pray more--more often and more sincerely.  I will read my scriptures more.  I will help others more.  I will be a little better.