Who Am I if I Can't Even Make Dinner?

In the never-ending quest of meal-making, Mialee (who, by the way, asked me what it was like to grow up in a barn today--what?!?) suggested homemade chicken noodle soup...one of our favorites. Those big, thick, chewy noodles are a staple that I grew up loving... And in our new quest of Gluten Freedom I foolishly thought I could just substitute a bit of this and a bit of that and come out with nearly the exact same thing. Boy was I wrong. My first attempt quickly found it's way into the garbage. Jason was out walking and we soon joined him while he commenced questioning me about the noodles, "How long do they need to sit?" My answer was short and a little gruff, "They're in the garbage." His look of astonishment was, I'm sure, based on the fact that I actually threw food away. But, really, I no longer cared. I feel like I have lost a part of myself in this quest. After all, what kind of mother am I when I can no longer make decent food for my family? Do not fear, though, I did not succumb to the failure that threatens my every meal and snack...I tried again. Second try noodles were deemed "passable." Passable. Is that what I am reduced to? Passable? It was meant as a compliment...and they really were "passable" but I want "yummy" and "I couldn't even tell the difference" and "let's eat those again!"

I am finding something out about myself. I do not enjoy cooking enough to enjoy this trial. I want to make food and have it be good. Period. I hate making food and having people call it "passable" and know that "passable" will probably have to do for now. I cannot tell you how many times a week I have the desire to make something yummy for dinner or a treat for a snack. I giddily begin to open tabs on Jason's trusty laptop...cookies, pasta, cakes, casseroles...the possibilities are endless! I excitedly peruse each recipe, waiting to find just the right one. Then reality hits me and ingredients that I never before considered start to jump out at me...gaur gum, gee, agave syrup. I consider the sugar content, which little-Celiac doesn't have the enzymes to deal with right now. Sigh. I don't even bother to close the tabs. I just walk away. Rice it is. Again. And broccoli. Broccoli is good. Maybe we'll be adventurous and mix them up tonight....